Here are the reasons why a ninja should be president and where this candidate stands on the issues.
Healthcare – Have you ever heard of a sick ninja? Cheap mystical herbs will also replace most HMOs.
Gun Control – Who needs guns when you have shurikens?
Grappling Hooks – Sweet.
Gender Identity Rights – Who knows what sex President Ninja is under those dark duds? Additionally, he/she will use any bathroom he/she wants. Persecutors will face clavicle-breaking karate chops as demonstrated below:
Poverty – Okay, this is a tough one, but I’m sure those sweet, two-toed shoes will somehow factor into the solution.
Flips and Smoke Bombs – Yup, plenty of these.
Women’s Rights – Everybody knows that ninjas are firm supports of a women's right to choose and free access to contraception.
Terrorism – No brainer. We just send President Ninja into northern Iraq/Syria and…whammy! A few weeks later, no more ISIS. This picture illustrates the overall mission:
Education – Adding katana training to gym class (and possibly math) will not only entice more students to stay in school but also help fight childhood obesity.
Immigration – Ever heard of a strictly American ninja? Me neither. Well, except that movie American Ninja.
Euthanasia – President Ninja is down. One word: seppuku.
Sneaking – President Ninja will be the sneakiest president ever, excluding of course Millard “Sneaky Thighs” Fillmore. President Ninja’s sneakiness will keep the U.S. both more entertained and focused on the political landscape. Expect many headlines as below: